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Grey Jackal Fan-Supplements

Where RPG fans can share ideas and work together to create the sourcebooks that the companies never will.
 
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The Abyss Guide now has a 4-page Character Sheet, and 6 pages of add-ons!

After a temporary hiatus, the Grey Jackal is back in action!


 

 Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus

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Gattison
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PostSubject: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 9:21 pm

Just an idea so far for this guy, not much more...

Shawn P. Jorreaux
10th Generation, childe of Darlene of Sicily, follower of the Path of Power and the Inner Voice
Nature:
Demeanor:
Embrace: 1958
Apparent Age: 30's
A Tremere who learned Abyss Mysticism from confiscated materials that used to belong to Lasombra elders. He has the approval of a select few of his superiors, but must keep his knowledge of the Abyss secret from most. However, he is charged with hunting down and collecting all knowledge on Abyss Mysticism, and eliminate any who oppose him or display knowledge of its rituals, as well determining its usefulness.


Last edited by Gattison on Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:29 am; edited 5 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 9:32 pm

Nice idea. It's cool to include these short description that a ST can do whatever he wants with.

I'd link this character with the Path of Shadowcrafting from CB: Tremere Revised (p53), and with its place of origin, Portugal (it was created there during the 17th century). Perhaps it would be nice if he did not practice Obtenebration, but just that Path and Rituals of Darkness converted to Thaumaturgy.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 9:45 pm

that's actually a really awesome idea. I like it alot, thanks!

Let me add, though, I didn't want to leave him as just this short, tiny blurb. I envision his description being at least 2 paragraphs long. =)
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSun Jun 24, 2012 8:26 pm

First of all, let me say thanks again for your advice on this guy, valis, it was brilliant and totally inspired me to come up with something for the character.

Your mention of the Path of Shadowcrafting and Portugal had me on Wikipedia for a bit, and (partly as an homage to Anda, the self-professed "bloody Earthquake-nerd"), I came up with what I feel is a good start to this story, but... I come to some questions that I have that I want to ask before I go ahead and finish.

Donald K. Hale:
So that is where I left off. My questions to anybody paying attention (not just valis, lol) is this: Should I bother adding Don K. Hale to the story now, or should I just change it to Adetokunbo's story, and have him be the anti-Abyss Mystic antagonist I'm trying to create?

I think maybe going with Adetokunbo instead of Donald is a better idea, especially since I can have Adetokunbo be resentful of the fact that the only reason he is ordered to hunt down Abyss-tics is because of his background and knowledge of Shadowcrafting (which isn't even really comparable--which Adeto would realize and feel like it's a "set-up" or something).

Also, I made up the whole story except for the parts about Shadowcrafting being made in Portugal to fight the Lasombra, and the parts about the Earthquakes, they were real, even the destruction of the churches was IRL. So, if you see anything that contradicts canon, please bring it up.

(Below is the original idea for this character, so you don't have to scroll up.)
A Tremere who learned Abyss Mysticism from confiscated materials that used to belong to Lasombra elders. He has the approval of a select few of his superiors, but must keep his knowledge of the Abyss secret from most. However, he is charged with hunting down and collecting all knowledge on Abyss Mysticism, and eliminate any who oppose him or display knowledge of its rituals, as well determining its usefulness.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSun Jun 24, 2012 9:44 pm

I'd follow with Adeto's story instead of his Childer.

Also, I should have mentioned that Clanbook Tremere states how the creator of the Shadowcrafting path is "a chattering invalid, [who] mantains during brief periods of lucidity that strange shadow entities wait in every darkened corner. (...) the Kindred in question asserts that these beings devour light and feed upon the very essences of those who would dare truck with them."

As such, it would be interesting to either not destroy Vinícius and leave him a maddened vampire secluded in some Tremere Chantry (perhaps Vienna); or indicate he belonged to the Portuguese Chantry that developed the path but was not its sole creator.

I liked the idea of the earthquake a lot. Perhaps it would be better to phrase the connection between the quake and the Lasombra as a belief shared by some Kindred, especially Adeto. It is implied but maybe it could be more clear. I'd mention how a 70,000-volume royal library was destroyed as well.

Was there really an earthquake in Massachusett? (*curious*)

Also, Adeto's purpose for hunting Abyssal Mysticism is only Clan-mandated? Shouldn't he have some personal reason as well?

Who's the Anna mentioned on the first paragraph?
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSun Jun 24, 2012 10:46 pm

Ah yes, I did read that part and forgot about it, lol (about the creator of Shadowcrafting being a chattering invalid). Do you think it would be a good idea to insinuate that Vinícius is actually the creator? I originally intended him to be one of the first kindred to learn the Path from the creator, but if you don't think it would impose too much on established canon, I think that would actually be an awesome idea.

As a side-note, I think it's pretty obvious that the creator of Shadowcrafting (at the very least) picked up an "Abyssal Flaw," despite the fact that he isn't a true Abyss mystic. That's pretty interesting stuff there... maybe I should squeeze that info into this character's text, just so ST's are aware of it?

I actually wanted the connection between the Lasombra and the earthquake to be circumstantial, as in, there's no proof either way, but the Lasombra of course are willing to take credit for it, regardless. Actually, I was thinking about tying this character into the Metaplot-ideas that Anda and I have been discussing. My theory would be that not even Moncada has the power to perform such a feat as creating earthquakes and tidal waves, but the timing is too coincidental for the Tremere to ignore out-of-hand. Similar to how Haqim and [Tremere] were secretly behind the rituals that first cursed, then freed the Assamites, I was thinking that a "greater" power could have retaliated using the earthquake. This would insinuate that the awakening "Grey Jackal Antediluvian" could actually be [Lasombra]--which of course will never be flat-out confirmed or denied in any of our books. (I think the Grey Jackal Ante should be a "random" ante, whose true identity we never confirm, that way ST's can pick their own Ante, but use our scenario for the "awakening." Check out the above link for more details on how Anda suggests the Ante could be [Gangrel] instead.) Even if this doesn't become part of our metaplot, the story is still good enough for this guy at least....

...and mentioning the 70,000-volume library is a good idea, too, thanks. =)

Yes, both earthquakes were real. The dates, times, magnitudes and devastation that I cited are all real-world events. I just happened to notice the Massachusetts earthquake while looking up the Lisbon one, and they were so close I had to connect them myself. IRL, seismologists believe the two earthquakes were actually unrelated, but that doesn't mean there wasn't a supernatural explanation in the CWoD. =)

As far as Adetokunbo's motivation, I feel like having him be "vengeful" or something would be too stereotypical and clichéd. I was thinking that if he was basically only allowed to exist because he knows Shadowcrafting and "is close to the Lasombra" (even though he isn't, but the Tremere leaders aren't that understanding), then he would have to hunt Abyss-ism or, essentially, that would prove that he isn't loyal to his Clan. This would motivate him (to sae his own life) but also drive a wedge between Adeto and the Tremere that can be exploited in multiple ways by ST's. Do you think that is too much, or a decent idea?

And finally, Ana was the name (and gender) I had originally chosen to be Adeto's sire, but changed it to Vinícius.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jun 25, 2012 1:15 am

Gattison wrote:
Ah yes, I did read that part and forgot about it, lol (about the creator of Shadowcrafting being a chattering invalid). Do you think it would be a good idea to insinuate that Vinícius is actually the creator? I originally intended him to be one of the first kindred to learn the Path from the creator, but if you don't think it would impose too much on established canon, I think that would actually be an awesome idea.

I think there is no problem at all if Vinícius is the creator of the path.

Gattison wrote:
I actually wanted the connection between the Lasombra and the earthquake to be circumstantial, as in, there's no proof either way, but the Lasombra of course are willing to take credit for it, regardless. Actually, I was thinking about tying this character into the Metaplot-ideas that Anda and I have been discussing. My theory would be that not even Moncada has the power to perform such a feat as creating earthquakes and tidal waves, but the timing is too coincidental for the Tremere to ignore out-of-hand. Similar to how Haqim and [Tremere] were secretly behind the rituals that first cursed, then freed the Assamites, I was thinking that a "greater" power could have retaliated using the earthquake. This would insinuate that the awakening "Grey Jackal Antediluvian" could actually be [Lasombra]--which of course will never be flat-out confirmed or denied in any of our books. (I think the Grey Jackal Ante should be a "random" ante, whose true identity we never confirm, that way ST's can pick their own Ante, but use our scenario for the "awakening." Check out the above link for more details on how Anda suggests the Ante could be [Gangrel] instead.) Even if this doesn't become part of our metaplot, the story is still good enough for this guy at least....

Wow, I will have to read this carefully before giving some feedback.

But it would be nice to put the Path of Shadowcrafting into perspective... it is an aborted path half-way from being really effective. I guess as a rumor that the Tremere are studying Abyss Mysticism it could worry some Lasombra... but it would hardly frighten some really powerful entity, much less move it into action. I think it would be better if the Lasombra connection to the earthquake remains circumstantial.

Gattison wrote:
As far as Adetokunbo's motivation, I feel like having him be "vengeful" or something would be too stereotypical and clichéd. I was thinking that if he was basically only allowed to exist because he knows Shadowcrafting and "is close to the Lasombra" (even though he isn't, but the Tremere leaders aren't that understanding), then he would have to hunt Abyss-ism or, essentially, that would prove that he isn't loyal to his Clan. This would motivate him (to sae his own life) but also drive a wedge between Adeto and the Tremere that can be exploited in multiple ways by ST's. Do you think that is too much, or a decent idea?

Actually, I liked the way you put this, you should keep this idea, and explore it on the write-up. (This character is starting to deserve a complete write-up in my opinion)


Gattison wrote:
And finally, Ana was the name (and gender) I had originally chosen to be Adeto's sire, but changed it to Vinícius.

Vinícius is way better.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jun 25, 2012 1:54 am

valismedsen wrote:
But it would be nice to put the Path of Shadowcrafting into perspective... it is an aborted path half-way from being really effective. I guess as a rumor that the Tremere are studying Abyss Mysticism it could worry some Lasombra... but it would hardly frighten some really powerful entity, much less move it into action. I think it would be better if the Lasombra connection to the earthquake remains circumstantial.
True. You point out a big hole in my theory so far, by mentioning that an abortive attempt that barely scrapes the surface of the Abyss is not enough to earn the wrath of a Methuselah, let alone an Antediluvian... but... let's just say that for now, Vinicius is the name of the creator of the path of Shadowcrafting. As i mentioned above, Vinicius has gained some sort of Abyssal Flaw, probably from the act of trying to develop Shadowcrafting further along Abyssal lines. In other words, he pushed too far with his faulty shadow-powers and was subject to some form of Abyssal backlash. Let's say that this is because Vinicius probably made some sort of progress in his studies, but since the Abyss is the "domain" of the Lasombra, it is possible that the Abyss simply rejected him--this also allows us to theorize that [Lasombra] himself, as an actual part of the Abyss, personally decided to deny Abyssal powers to the Tremere and acted accordingly. With Antediluvian powers of perception and intuition, [Lasombra] probably envisioned a future where Tremere Thaumaturgy eventually leads to them mastering shadow-powers, and then subsequently, Abyssal powers--which of course would detract, not only from the power of the clan as a whole, but probably also from the Ante's power as well, since Ante's might draw their power from their own clans (or some kind of "sympathetic" magic like that). In order to prevent this future from ever happening, [Lasombra] nips the problem in the bud and tries to wipe out all the Tremere Shadowcrafters--namely Vinicius. Since [Lasombra] had to act through his subordinates so as not to display his movements to the other Ante's, his counter-attack was enacted imperfectly and Vinicius got away.

Also, there could be a completely (or so it appears) unrelated reason why the Grey Jackal Ante attacked the Portuguese Tremere, and we won't reveal that until another book.

Here, I should point out in the story that it takes about 50-150 days to sail across the Atlantic in the 1700's--but Vinicius did it in 17 days... and ended up on a slave ship in Boston's harbor... and it still wasn't enough to get him away from danger, i.e. Final Death (assuming we opt not to have Vinicius be Shadowcrafting's founder). This probably doesn't require [Tremere's] intervention, but if we wanted to we could probably work that angle in, too.

Also, you may think that earthquakes and tidal waves are not the powers [Lasombra] would have, but I disagree. As a master of Abyssal powers, [Lasombra] knows that the ocean's depths are almost like a pathway to the Abyss... it may sound funny, but [Lasombra] probably just created a little "hiccup" in the Abyss at the ocean's floor and caused an earthquake. There was an active fault nearby, so the attempt was very successful (magnitude 9). Then, when he tries again, the faultline he targets is inactive, resulting in a slightly smaller quake (magnitude 6).

As for a full write-up, idk. I don't really see how including traits with this character will aide ST's or players in anyway. Using the DA-method, I can tell people the important info, like Nature, Demeanor, Generation, Morality, Embrace date, etc. but I don't feel like his traits are important to the story. No offense, of course, just wondering what your response would be to that. The only other traits I would mention for him are thaum and maybe mention that he has 1, maybe 2 dots in Obtenebration, and has cobbled together his own warped versions of some weaker Abyssal rituals, but mostly practices the Thaum version of everything.

(If you remember, the Lasombra Revised book explains the Occult Specialty: Abyss, and states that non-Lasombra and non-Obtenebration-using kindred can also learn this Specialty, so he could actually be a technical Abyss Mystic, just without any respectable Obten, making him pretty much a total noob. =) )
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jun 25, 2012 2:24 am

You could add that Vinicius knew a variation of the Transitus Velociter path (Dark Ages: Vampire p.217) that he could apply to ships, and/or simply knew Weather Control. His child might know this as well.

Well, I won't argue about writing a full write-up for this character, perhaps he really doesn't need it.

I better just go read the whole Grey Jackal Ante thing - but I may tackle the whole idea from a completely different angle. I have a different opinion on who the Grey Jackal is supposed to be.

As for the idea of Vinicius attracting the wrong attention when approaching a more successful version of Abyssal Thaumaturgy... it is interesting. I still don't think he should survive an Antediluvian's attention.

Let's just remember that the power to cause earthquakes and tsunamis is not the province of Antediluvians alone, as it has been used against the Baali of Crete. I can see Mathusealhs with that kind of power.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jun 25, 2012 3:31 am

*Handing over the earthquake-crown to Gattison" - I am no longer worthy.

I really like this character, My question is... does he really need to know any Obtenebration at all? Wouldn't it be cooler if he understands abyss mysticism through his own limits and mindframe which would be Path of Shadowcrafting, and if he studies abyssal books and rituals he must adjust and translate them into his own thaumaturgy to make them work. If you approach it that way, it would be logical why Obtenebration hasn't spread further in the Tremere Clan, they simply do not understand it. They can only imitate it. Would it make him less of a Abyss Mystic? Maybe, but he's still an Abyss Mystic, just working with different tools.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeTue Jun 26, 2012 12:12 am

valismedsen wrote:
As for the idea of Vinicius attracting the wrong attention when approaching a more successful version of Abyssal Thaumaturgy... it is interesting. I still don't think he should survive an Antediluvian's attention.

Let's just remember that the power to cause earthquakes and tsunamis is not the province of Antediluvians alone, as it has been used against the Baali of Crete. I can see Mathusealhs with that kind of power.
Well, first, if we say Vinicius is the creator of Shadowcrafting, then we know that Vinicius did, in fact, survive, despite earning the wrath of an Antediluvian. To me, only one thing explains this--[the Grey Jackal Ante] didn't want to kill the creator of Shadowcrafting, he wanted to use the fool as a backdoor into usurping one of his enemies--the upstart [Tremere] and his clan. Granted, these actions, alone, aren't really necessary Antediluvian-level actions, it's more likely there's a Methuselah behind it, and not an Ante... which is exactly what the Ante wants you to believe. Dun Dun DUN! I propose that in this book, we actually take the stance that [the Grey Jackal Ante] is NOT an Ante, but actually a Methuselah--in fact, we never really should hint that it's anything more... but that's only the start of our metaplot. In our next book, say the Tal book, probably, we could insinuate that that Methuselah may in fact be an Ante, meanwhile, we also reveal that there may be in fact evidence another Ante awakening and taking actions, the unnamed, unspecified, up-to-the-readers-to-decide-only [Grey Jackal Ante], whose actions, but not identity, will be defined by us.

This brings me to a side point I wanted to make, so I'll make it.... I think we should actually make a list of all 13 Ante's and come up with something they would do if they woke--and then have OUR [Grey Jackal] ante do them ALL. This would serve to allow an ST to choose for the [Grey Jackal] to be any Ante he wants, actually just a Methuselah, or none at all. This would also pretty much imitate the coherency and logic of the CWoD. =) Some of our accounts of this very same individual, the [Grey Jackal], can even be contradictory, that's okay. Either the [Grey Jackal] or another ante has used some Discipline at Level 10 to alter the perceptions of us lower life-forms and there's no real way to reconcile it, just like the real CWoD. What do we think about that? I think it would be cool if he "heavily" inferred that these are all the actions of the same Ante, even though specific accounts of them might claim he was of one clan, or another. Oooh, MYSTERY! y'know? heh
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeTue Jun 26, 2012 12:15 am

Anda wrote:
*Handing over the earthquake-crown to Gattison" - I am no longer worthy.

I really like this character, My question is... does he really need to know any Obtenebration at all? Wouldn't it be cooler if he understands abyss mysticism through his own limits and mindframe which would be Path of Shadowcrafting, and if he studies abyssal books and rituals he must adjust and translate them into his own thaumaturgy to make them work. If you approach it that way, it would be logical why Obtenebration hasn't spread further in the Tremere Clan, they simply do not understand it. They can only imitate it. Would it make him less of a Abyss Mystic? Maybe, but he's still an Abyss Mystic, just working with different tools.
I only said this because I figured after 200+ years of hunting Lasombra and Abyss Mystics, he'd probably at least pick up the first power or two, but, it's not necessary for the character, so I guess I can write it up so that he is still trying to seek a teacher for Obtenebration or something, maybe. that'd be cool, too... and also give an ST a few extra options.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeWed Jun 27, 2012 12:08 am

So, the name has changed a few times. I started with something random, then changed it to something more "Colonial" sounding, because I was intending to have Adetokunbo Embrace somebody else, instead of having Vinicius survive and be Shadowcrafting's creator. And then it got cut off at Adeto, and you know, so...

I actually thought about it, and since this guy is the only truly antagonist NPC we;ve presented thus far, I figured stats may be helpful for ST's who want to use him, plus I kept thinking of stats for him and then reminding myself he doesn't have stats. ...So, now he has stats. Booyah, the power of imagination 'n shit, baby!

enjoy! and please offer feedback

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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeWed Jun 27, 2012 11:17 pm

I liked the write-up, and the character sheet!

Regarding the write-up I'd consider the following:
- Congo is the place of origin of the Xi Dundu, the Laibon Lasombra. Perhaps a connection between Adeto and some Laibon would be an interesting plot point. Even if the Laibon are xenophobic, they don't have any kinship with the Lasombra or the Sabbat, and I could see an African Kindred having some advantage in negotiation with them. Perhaps some Contacts or Allies among Laibon?
- "Vinícius was never the same after his brief time staked and in torpor on the ship" => perhaps imply that the true reason he slipped into madness was from the belief that a creature from the Abyss (or the Abyss itself) was giving him earthquakes.
- "the Congolian Warlock must take on a student and teach them Shadowcrafting every so often, but you feel compelled to stall this for some reason, claiming you seek only “worthy” pupils or some such excuse." -> here you change "he" to "you", which is usually only used on the roleplaying hints section.
- isn't 1st of November All Saints Day, the day after Halloween? It would be nice to remind that is the important catholic holiday.
- I feel like Adeto could be an Archon as well. It would fit his story nicely.

About the sheet:
- I think some levels on Hands of Destruction would make sense. Raiding the Sabbat so many times has got to have given him the opportunity to learn something from the Tremere Antitribu... (which might already be accounted for on the Path of Mars, I know).
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSat Jun 30, 2012 6:12 pm

valismedsen wrote:
Regarding the write-up I'd consider the following:
- Congo is the place of origin of the Xi Dundu, the Laibon Lasombra. Perhaps a connection between Adeto and some Laibon would be an interesting plot point. Even if the Laibon are xenophobic, they don't have any kinship with the Lasombra or the Sabbat, and I could see an African Kindred having some advantage in negotiation with them. Perhaps some Contacts or Allies among Laibon?
I was actually hoping that simply mentioning he was from Congo was enough to provide some avenues for ST's to explore... but, I like the suggestion about Backgrounds. What if we simply added this to his sheet, to add to the mystery:

Backgrounds: ..., Contacts (Laibon) 2, ...

or perhaps, instead, to be even more clear, put it this way:

Backgrounds: ..., Contacts (Xi Dundu) 2, ...

...since he does already have a Contacts of 2.

Quote :
- "Vinícius was never the same after his brief time staked and in torpor on the ship" => perhaps imply that the true reason he slipped into madness was from the belief that a creature from the Abyss (or the Abyss itself) was giving him earthquakes.
Heh, that was my attempt to insinuate that, lol. I guess I'm just too subtle sometimes. =) I'll look at that section again and re-think it, see what comes out.

Quote :
- "the Congolian Warlock must take on a student and teach them Shadowcrafting every so often, but you feel compelled to stall this for some reason, claiming you seek only “worthy” pupils or some such excuse." -> here you change "he" to "you", which is usually only used on the roleplaying hints section.
woops

Quote :
- isn't 1st of November All Saints Day, the day after Halloween? It would be nice to remind that is the important catholic holiday.
Hm, you're probably right. Okay. =)

Quote :
- I feel like Adeto could be an Archon as well. It would fit his story nicely.
How should I fit that in? Maybe in the last 50 years or so of his "career" he finally starts to gain the respect he deserves? I'm actually not as familiar with the Camarilla, how does one become an Archon? Is it quick enough to explain, or should I just look through Archns & Templars?

Quote :
About the sheet:
- I think some levels on Hands of Destruction would make sense. Raiding the Sabbat so many times has got to have given him the opportunity to learn something from the Tremere Antitribu... (which might already be accounted for on the Path of Mars, I know).
Yeah, maybe just 1 or 2 dots in that... as you said, if it's "another" Sabbat-Path he's got, it would even cause more problems for him.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSat Jun 30, 2012 7:10 pm

Gattison wrote:

I was actually hoping that simply mentioning he was from Congo was enough to provide some avenues for ST's to explore... but, I like the suggestion about Backgrounds. What if we simply added this to his sheet, to add to the mystery:

Backgrounds: ..., Contacts (Xi Dundu) 2, ...

Perfect.

Gattison wrote:

Quote :
- "Vinícius was never the same after his brief time staked and in torpor on the ship" => perhaps imply that the true reason he slipped into madness was from the belief that a creature from the Abyss (or the Abyss itself) was giving him earthquakes.
Heh, that was my attempt to insinuate that, lol. I guess I'm just too subtle sometimes. =) I'll look at that section again and re-think it, see what comes out.

It won't hurt to make it clearer. =)

Gattison wrote:

Quote :
- isn't 1st of November All Saints Day, the day after Halloween? It would be nice to remind that is the important catholic holiday.
Hm, you're probably right. Okay. =)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Saints

Gattison wrote:

Quote :
- I feel like Adeto could be an Archon as well. It would fit his story nicely.
How should I fit that in? Maybe in the last 50 years or so of his "career" he finally starts to gain the respect he deserves? I'm actually not as familiar with the Camarilla, how does one become an Archon? Is it quick enough to explain, or should I just look through Archns & Templars?

You already have an opening to insert this fact here:

Spoiler:
^
^
^
It's interesting that the next paragraph's meaning then applies to the Camarilla as well as the Tremere!

Gattison wrote:
Quote :
About the sheet:
- I think some levels on Hands of Destruction would make sense. Raiding the Sabbat so many times has got to have given him the opportunity to learn something from the Tremere Antitribu... (which might already be accounted for on the Path of Mars, I know).
Yeah, maybe just 1 or 2 dots in that... as you said, if it's "another" Sabbat-Path he's got, it would even cause more problems for him.

Agreed. Up to you if he has level 1 or 2.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeTue Jul 03, 2012 11:41 am

Would you like for me to draw him in loose-fitted garments of his homeland or conservatively? I personally think the later so he doesn't come off as too much Laibon when he's not. But you are the author and I wanna know how you would like him to be portrayed.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeTue Jul 03, 2012 5:46 pm

I kind of pictured him as more modern, but probably with some trappings of his homeland. Especially since he's been alive long enough to gain some independence and be allowed to travel and such, he might have like a piece of jewellery, or perhaps piercings or something. If I sound like an ignorant racist dick it's because I'm an American, so please forgive, lol. I don't know if they may have tribal markings or not.

I just glanced through the wikipedia on the Democratic Republic of Congo, and it doesn't look like I know what I'm talking about, though. =) Maybe give him a facial scar or something instead. idk, but I was thinking he has adopted a more American style, since his whole unlife has been here and he would have had to try and "fit in" better during America's history with slavery.

To be honest though, only use my advice if you want to. You've done pretty well at following your own inspiration so far, so just do you and it should be good.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeSun Jul 08, 2012 11:27 pm

I was thinking... in the image description it says that he's tall and muscular, can be taken for a guard and not the guarded. He also have been a slave, and I suspect his tasks wouldn't be easy liftings. However on his stats he has only strength 2. Would you consider rising that up to three to make it fit the image more?
The reason why I'm asking too is because there will be an appearance difference between Strength 2 and 3, and I wanna draw him correctly.
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 6:16 am

Hmmm. interesting point. I wouldn't be opposed to switching it to Strength 3 and Dexterity 2 (to keep at five in Physical Attr, instead of 6).

Also, he wasn't a slave for very long, comparatively. He might have been exposed to some slave-laborous activities in Africa before crossing the Atlantic, but he was Embraced on the way to the Americas and was never an actual slave on American soil. The point is he didn't have the "extra workout," although coming from the Congo, he still would have about 1-3% body fat, regardless of his strength. He could potentially have a Str of 1 and still be super-lean and cut.

Additionally, I had actually pictured that maybe his strength would have actually "degraded" over time, from lack of use, maybe, but, idk...
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 7:25 am

Posted again! Now with Corrections!

Fixed!
- the decline of Vinicius' mental state is given a bit more clarity!
- added Xi Dundu to Contacts!
- fixed the fourth-wall breakage in that paragraph!
- mentioned All saints' Day!
- made him an Archon as well!
- added Hands of Destruction lvl 1!
- Changed Str to 3 and Dex to 2!
- probably forgot something minor!

Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus:
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 7:41 am

One thought (or more) I am having:

Is the Abyss Mysticism ritual he has (Defence of Angra Mainyu, essentially an Abyssal version of Defend the Sacred Haven--which he also has) even necessary? If not that one, should he have another, more appropriate "actual" Abyss ritual, or none at all?

The reason I wanted to give him one real abyss ritual is to show that he can cobble stuff together with the stuff he's confiscated, which is why he's dangerous to Abyss Mystics. That's the same reason i gave him an Abyss-ritual that he ALREADY had a non-Abyssal equivalent of in Thaum. Should this just go into a sidebar (see below), or does this portray that well enough? Would a few more Abyss-ritual copies be better or worse? Would all of this be better off just mentioned in the write-up (rather than in this creative, indirect way)?

Also, Byrsa gets a big giant side-bar because she's so complex, meanwhile the Cardinal of Maghreb has friends and a side-bar to explain their interactions (or will in the end), so maybe this guy could have just a small side-bar, explaining that Any Abyss Mysticism ritual he does have are at +1 Difficulty, as normal, despite his Occult Specialty in Abyss. (lol... side-bar envy... what a nerd I am) =)

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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 1:07 pm

Gattison wrote:
One thought (or more) I am having:

Is the Abyss Mysticism ritual he has (Defence of Angra Mainyu, essentially an Abyssal version of Defend the Sacred Haven--which he also has) even necessary? If not that one, should he have another, more appropriate "actual" Abyss ritual, or none at all?

The reason I wanted to give him one real abyss ritual is to show that he can cobble stuff together with the stuff he's confiscated, which is why he's dangerous to Abyss Mystics. That's the same reason i gave him an Abyss-ritual that he ALREADY had a non-Abyssal equivalent of in Thaum. Should this just go into a sidebar (see below), or does this portray that well enough? Would a few more Abyss-ritual copies be better or worse? Would all of this be better off just mentioned in the write-up (rather than in this creative, indirect way)?

Also, Byrsa gets a big giant side-bar because she's so complex, meanwhile the Cardinal of Maghreb has friends and a side-bar to explain their interactions (or will in the end), so maybe this guy could have just a small side-bar, explaining that Any Abyss Mysticism ritual he does have are at +1 Difficulty, as normal, despite his Occult Specialty in Abyss. (lol... side-bar envy... what a nerd I am) =)


Sidebars for everyone, I say!

I think Adetko should have the Ritual of Darkness you gave him, plus those rituals that are equivalent to wards against shadows. This would show he is becoming even more adept at developing abyssal powers than his sire. According the Blood Sacrifice translating rituals from different blood magic paradigms merely requires study. I'd also use the rules from Caine's Chosen about Bridge Rituals, and say that any translated ritual is one level higher than the original.

Wouldn't Adetko have learned the Abyss mysticism specialty by now?

Also, we need to talk about the Cardinal of Maghreb. I'm liking her a lot, but she's not finished yet...
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 2:32 pm

valismedsen wrote:
Sidebars for everyone, I say!
agreed

Quote :
I think Adetko should have the Ritual of Darkness you gave him, plus those rituals that are equivalent to wards against shadows. This would show he is becoming even more adept at developing abyssal powers than his sire. According the Blood Sacrifice translating rituals from different blood magic paradigms merely requires study. I'd also use the rules from Caine's Chosen about Bridge Rituals, and say that any translated ritual is one level higher than the original.
So maybe Adeto's side-bar explains that the (actual) Abyssal rituals he has, plus any he may also learn, are all at +1 Level because of his indirect approach?

Quote :
Wouldn't Adetko have learned the Abyss mysticism specialty by now?
He does. =)

Quote :
Also, we need to talk about the Cardinal of Maghreb. I'm liking her a lot, but she's not finished yet...
Agreed. Fortunately, she was next on my list. See you over there...
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PostSubject: Final Version?   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitimeMon Jul 09, 2012 7:44 pm

EDIT the above: actually, the Casuli is next on my list because He should be quicker to finish than the Cardinal, but she should be right after that.

and now, another edit, i'll try to put in RED everything I changed, mostly some "cosmetic" changes in the write-up and valis' last suggestion:
Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus:
Notes About Adetokunbo (side-bar):
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PostSubject: Re: Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus   Adetokunbo, Childe of the Enshadowed Magus Icon_minitime

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