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Where RPG fans can share ideas and work together to create the sourcebooks that the companies never will.
 
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The Abyss Guide now has a 4-page Character Sheet, and 6 pages of add-ons!

After a temporary hiatus, the Grey Jackal is back in action!


 

 Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets

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Gattison
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PostSubject: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 6:57 pm

Here is a very "2nd Edition" style NPC. The intention behind this NPC is make her story detailed and full enough that either a new Chronicle could be constructed around the idea of her, or she could be added to and enhance an existing Chronicle.

The Details:
As you can see the background still needs some work, and any help or ideas anyone has would be helpful.

The Stats:
Here, just like with my suggestion on (valismedsen's) Cordelia, I feel like some of her stats can be lowered a bit and she can still be the total bad-ass I envision her as. Again, any suggestions would be nice.

The Side-bar:
You can see where I stopped working here (at the break in the text), and just like with Dona Cardinal's Background, it needs a bit more work before it;s finished.

The Lupine:
This NPC's write-up and his stats should be mostly finished, unless somebody thinks otherwise.

The Lupine's Side-bar #1:
Anybody who knows a bit about Werewolf could double-check this for me and I would be greatly appreciative.

The Lupine's Side-bar #2:
And this is just for the sake of completion, since I feel we have made a commitment to site whatever sources we use.


Last edited by Gattison on Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 8:06 pm

First of all, I am still debating on whether including the werewolf in the book is necessary AT ALL, and if so, how much detail does he deserve (I'm thinking about NOT providing any stats, and simply providing a paragraph-style write-up, like they do with less prominent NPCs at the end of the NPC's-of-Note chapters). Any thoughts on that topic would be appreciated.

Now, here are some other things I've got written for this whole Dona Cardinal mess I'm trying to make coherent. (Which, btw, if anybody thinks is starting to look infeasible, just let me know, =) )

The Giovanni:
It doesn't look impressive yet, but I actually do have a bit of an idea for this character, I just haven't committed it to "paper" yet.

The Ghost:
And this little guy here completes the Four Allies. Now, I'm familiar enough with Werewolf to go ahead and whip up a workable crossover NPC for this Story with little problem, but I'm not so familiar with Wraith to do that. So... any Wraith-fans out there can offer up any suggestions they want... I know very little about Wraith, I'll believe whatever you say, lol. I do know that I want to make Hargos a Haunter, because in the Gio clanbook it says they work with the Haunters more than any others because both want to merge the Underworld with the Skinlands. Beyond that, Hargos himself wants to break the Shroud because he wants to "see" his family one last time before it's too late, and all his children are elderly now, so he's running out of time. That's all I have.

And of course, with all that being said, if it turns out the lupine NPC isn't necessary for the book, then a ghost NPC would really be necessary for the Abyss Guide either, so there's that to consider, too.
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valismedsen

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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 8:38 pm

A very quick note: it would be nice if the ghost had Arcanoi and then a list of equivalent Disciplines.

Further comments later, but it's nice that you enriched the write-up!
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeFri Jun 22, 2012 9:06 pm

Personally, I want to develop a list of Arcanoi (Wraithly powers, correct?) and a list of Alternate Disciplines, if only only for my own personal use, because all these guys are from a Story I'm using IRL. So yeah, I agree with you there.

So eventually, we'll see a complete sheet on these guys basically. But, would this character's inclusion in the Abyss Guide be beneficial, or just seem like a random, unnecessary extra?
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeMon Jun 25, 2012 6:39 am

Okay, I've finally got around to reading this character's write-up, and I'm feeling like it's still missing a few things.

I can understand nothing of her mortal life is known or perhaps even remembered, but it would still be interesting to point to her first appearance, something about her Sire, and to give some background on her earlier activities. If someone would search for her history, what would they discover? It's okay that nothing from her mortal years would come up, but at least as a vampire she wouldn't be completely bellow the radar. Her first 300 years were spent mainly among Lasombra. Where? Which Lasombra? And later? In 1625 she was a Bishop, but of which city? Is it Gilbratar? I loved that you chose the Maghreb as her area of influence. But I couldn't guess exactly where she stays. Does she roam? Or has a residence city? Which one?

The last phrase of the background section is probably cropped.

The roleplaying hints section is a bit confusing. You speak of her as a mortal, and then of someone else who is violated... I think I didn't understand...

The use of Dona almost as her given name is still a little confusing to me. I guess you'll have to decide if you're using it as a title (Dona = Lady or Madam) or as her name. As I said on the WW forum, each time you reference her as Dona Cardinal I simply read Madam Cardinal. It's like calling Monçada Lord Cardinal Monçada or Mister Cardinal Monçada. A mouthful appropriate for ceremonial occasions perhaps, but somewhat unusual in other circumstances.

I'm okay with her stats.

About the 4 Allies:

As of the 0.0.7 version, they aren't on the book, but I guess they could go there.

Force-of-Silence is an awesome character. I'm sad that he's dead in the modern times. Couldn't he have turned into a Wraith? I guess Garou don't usually become ghosts, but his is a special case. Even his motivation wouldn't change, as the fear of THE END would become a fear of Oblivion. I seem to recall that Wraith Garou could still shapeshift.
An alternative would be for him to have left Kinfolk behind doing his job for him.
I'm curious: Níðhöggr was a dragon in Norse mythology. This Society of the Shadow Lords has something to do with it?
I think the best way to present his stats is to offer the complete Werewolf: the Apocalypse sheet, and give the equivalent disciplines as an end note.

I've got nothing on the Giovanni. His stats say nothing to me (as opposed to Force of Silence, whose sheet I can read and understand the character better).

As for the Wraith: Haunters do indeed want to throw down the Shroud, but their reasons are a little different from the Giovanni, who want to do it for power. The Haunters, and their Arcanos Pandemonium, are all about chaos.
Pandemonium is the classic haunting ghostly powers, the ones that are gruesome, not the ones that are Poltergeist-like (that is a different Arcanos, Outrage, although the two are indeed related). It's worth taking a look at a quick description to get a handle of it: http://whitewolf.wikia.com/wiki/Pandemonium_(WTO)
Haunters are known to be a bit mad, sharing some reputation with Malkavians.
I feel like Hargos' motives don't make much sense. Any Wraith can see their mortal relatives. I guess he could be obsessed with touching them, but even then there are Arcanoi that could enable him to do that. Tearing down the Shroud just for reuniting with the family seems a bit excessive.
I'd put him on a larger scale - perhaps he's a representative of the Haunters guild, an envoy to help a group that could possibly succeed in tearing down the Shroud. (However, I don't remember if the Haunters are that organized, I'll check.)
I'd give Hargos the following Arcanos: Pandemonium 5 (equivalent Disciplines: Dementation 2, Weather Control 1, Chimerstry 2, Temporis level 2 and 3), Outrage 5 (equivalent Disciplines: Lure of Flames 5 and Movement of the Mind 5 [no fine control, brute force only]), perhaps Moliate 3 (Vicissitude 3, affecting only ghosts), and if you'd like for him to more easily interact with the physical world, Embody - the Arcanos of physical manifestation.

I really like the idea of a Lasombra/Haunter/Garou/Giovanni connection through the Shroud plot.




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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeWed Jun 27, 2012 11:23 pm

Okay, I've done my research on the Haunters, and I have two ideas for you.

One is for you Haunter to be working for Midian, a chess-playing obsessed Haunter leader. He's known to have long-term plans and to train Wraith for specific tasks.

The other is for your Haunter to be working for Sweet Sorrow, an ancient female Wraith from Carthago, also a leader of the Guild but secretly working for the destruction of all Wraith society.

The first truly cares about the Guild, although he is by no meas good or kind, since those he challenges for a chess play that lose (all invariably lose) are soulforged.

The second is more concerned with destruction and chaos and sorrow, and uses the Guild for her own purposes.

They are enemies with amicable, cold-war relations, since both are part of the guild's council of leaders.

Take a look at the Path of Haunting for Gabriela, on the Players Guide to High Clans. It might fit her, perhaps.

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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeWed Jun 27, 2012 11:24 pm

Also, I'm possibly using this whole plot and character group on my chronicle, so kudos to you.

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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeTue Jul 10, 2012 6:12 am

valismedsen wrote:
Okay, I've finally got around to reading this character's write-up, and I'm feeling like it's still missing a few things.
and I'm finally ready to focus on this character again, so, let's go!

Quote :
...her first appearance, something about her Sire, and to give some background on her earlier activities. If someone would search for her history, what would they discover? It's okay that nothing from her mortal years would come up, but at least as a vampire she wouldn't be completely bellow the radar. Her first 300 years were spent mainly among Lasombra. Where? Which Lasombra? And later? In 1625 she was a Bishop, but of which city? Is it Gilbratar? I loved that you chose the Maghreb as her area of influence. But I couldn't guess exactly where she stays. Does she roam? Or has a residence city? Which one?
Excellent ideas, obvious even, but I still needed these kinds of things pointed out to me for some reason... maybe it was a giant lack of focus earlier? idk...

Quote :
The use of Dona almost as her given name is still a little confusing to me. I guess you'll have to decide if you're using it as a title (Dona = Lady or Madam) or as her name. As I said on the WW forum, each time you reference her as Dona Cardinal I simply read Madam Cardinal. It's like calling Monçada Lord Cardinal Monçada or Mister Cardinal Monçada. A mouthful appropriate for ceremonial occasions perhaps, but somewhat unusual in other circumstances.
First my lame excuse: to me and my player it sounds cool, so we say, in our game, people with titles try to be kewl by making people call them "Lord [Title]" or "Lady [Title]" or "General [Title]" or stuff like that. It's a further display of power of some sort, and sometimes even an honorific used by others...

Secondly, as far as the Abyss Guide and her "fan-published" name, it should be the grammatically correct version, however that works out, but obviously I want her to have a long name. I think that's kewl, heh.

Quote :
As of the 0.0.7 version, they aren't on the book, but I guess they could go there.
In what capacity should the 3 other Allies go into the book? As partial-write-ups, like Pedro Perez and the Casuli, or full, like Adetokunbo or Cordelia?

Quote :
Force-of-Silence is an awesome character. I'm sad that he's dead in the modern times. Couldn't he have turned into a Wraith? I guess Garou don't usually become ghosts, but his is a special case. Even his motivation wouldn't change, as the fear of THE END would become a fear of Oblivion. I seem to recall that Wraith Garou could still shapeshift.
An alternative would be for him to have left Kinfolk behind doing his job for him.
or better yet, all at once! Except, no, to the Wraith idea, sorry, too much, even for me, lol =) ... on the other hand, what if Force-of-Silence ends up trapped in the Abyss (like a Nergal, Byrsa type thing), and of course who is trying to bring him back, but his own kinfolk: a few disparate families, brought together only by their kinship to Force-of-Silence and an oath made with shadowy spirits... or something like that...

Quote :
I'm curious: Níðhöggr was a dragon in Norse mythology. This Society of the Shadow Lords has something to do with it?
Not specifically, no... though who knows... we could be missing some obscure piece of info in the WtA-verse somewhere... you know how it is

Quote :
I think the best way to present his stats is to offer the complete Werewolf: the Apocalypse sheet, and give the equivalent disciplines as an end note.
so offer the complete Lupine/Garou Experience... even though the character is basically only justified and useful as part of the 4 Allies Package? ...or are you saying the character could actually serve as other forms of inspiration? Do we want to promot Abysss/Garou crossovers that much? They've got to be some of the last eventualities possible....

Quote :
As for the Wraith: Haunters do indeed want to throw down the Shroud, but their reasons are a little different from the Giovanni, who want to do it for power. The Haunters, and their Arcanos Pandemonium, are all about chaos.
Pandemonium is the classic haunting ghostly powers, the ones that are gruesome, not the ones that are Poltergeist-like (that is a different Arcanos, Outrage, although the two are indeed related). It's worth taking a look at a quick description to get a handle of it: http://whitewolf.wikia.com/wiki/Pandemonium_(WTO)
Haunters are known to be a bit mad, sharing some reputation with Malkavians.
I feel like Hargos' motives don't make much sense. Any Wraith can see their mortal relatives. I guess he could be obsessed with touching them, but even then there are Arcanoi that could enable him to do that. Tearing down the Shroud just for reuniting with the family seems a bit excessive.
I'd put him on a larger scale - perhaps he's a representative of the Haunters guild, an envoy to help a group that could possibly succeed in tearing down the Shroud. (However, I don't remember if the Haunters are that organized, I'll check.)
I'd give Hargos the following Arcanos: Pandemonium 5 (equivalent Disciplines: Dementation 2, Weather Control 1, Chimerstry 2, Temporis level 2 and 3), Outrage 5 (equivalent Disciplines: Lure of Flames 5 and Movement of the Mind 5 [no fine control, brute force only]), perhaps Moliate 3 (Vicissitude 3, affecting only ghosts), and if you'd like for him to more easily interact with the physical world, Embody - the Arcanos of physical manifestation.
All noted, thanks. =)

Quote :
I really like the idea of a Lasombra/Haunter/Garou/Giovanni connection through the Shroud plot.
thank-you, I'm glad you're helping flesh it out, too

valismedsen wrote:
Okay, I've done my research on the Haunters, and I have two ideas for you.

One is for you Haunter to be working for Midian, a chess-playing obsessed Haunter leader. He's known to have long-term plans and to train Wraith for specific tasks.

The other is for your Haunter to be working for Sweet Sorrow, an ancient female Wraith from Carthago, also a leader of the Guild but secretly working for the destruction of all Wraith society.
Nice that you came up with two ideas I like, because I actually do need two Haunters....

The 4 Allies (Cardinal, Bishop Giovanni, Force-of-Silence, Hargos) are opposed on both fronts by two powerful enemies, that aligned over a mutual antipathy toward the 4 Allies.

The two enemies (don't have a band name) are Horacio Giovanni Jr. and Haundemoi (who I want to be a "Wraithlord" ...if it'll work ...if there is such a thing). Haundemoi (so far) has some notable position in the Underworld and thus SECRETLY works against his fellow Haunters' goals in order to maintain his power. Horacio G. too, is SECRETLY working against his own clan's goals, just so he can keep the power he has in the world now.

The point of all the confusion was I thought it would be a twist for "her villains" to essentially be the "good guys" that are saving our mortal asses from The End by being totally selfish pricks while scheming on some really heavy stuff.

Quote :
The first truly cares about the Guild, although he is by no meas good or kind, since those he challenges for a chess play that lose (all invariably lose) are soulforged.

The second is more concerned with destruction and chaos and sorrow, and uses the Guild for her own purposes.

They are enemies with amicable, cold-war relations, since both are part of the guild's council of leaders.
So now, knowing what you now know now (y'know?) which do you think would be appropriate for Hargos or Haundemoi? Or would neither truly serve the same purpose fully? I'm actually leaning toward neither, but could use both as inspiration.

Quote :
Take a look at the Path of Haunting for Gabriela, on the Players Guide to High Clans. It might fit her, perhaps.
At first I thought "no," but now at second glance, maybe up levels 2 or 3 or something... I picture her as that kind of weird... I'm thinking about it, thanks =)

valismedsen wrote:
Also, I'm possibly using this whole plot and character group on my chronicle, so kudos to you.
That's awesome. I'd like to maybe exchange notes one day on what craziness we each get up to with the 4 allies... that would be bananas, lol

Well, hopefully some more time tomorrow, until then...
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeSun Jul 15, 2012 4:05 am

Just me brainstorming... and thinking aloud...

What about this idea for Hargos, the Haunter Wraith that is a member of the Four Allies?
What if he wants to break the Shroud because he knows that not all humans are guaranteed to becomes wraiths upon death, so he wants to join the Skinlands and Shadowlands in order to "save" his family from Oblivion and/or the Abyss, which he believes is what happens to wraiths after "transcendance" or whatever it called when wraiths "move on." The reason he could believe this is because he found out that lost and forgotten things can sometimes be found in the Abyss (c.f. Abyss Realm, WtA; "Whispers in the Dark," PGtHC, p. 179, and; Nergal, Clanbook Baali)

Timeline of the Immortal Midnight: (so far)
989 - construction of the The University of Sankoré begins in Timbuktu
- Gabriella Juana Reyes Embraced
1230 - Gabriella J. Reyes moves to Gibraltar
1625 - Bishop (of Gibraltar) Reyes protects city from English/Camarilla attack
- Bishop Reyes is contacted by the lupine Force-of-Silence
c. 1750 - Cardinal (of Maghreb) Reyes returns to Madrid
[1755 - Earthquake of Lisbon, Portugal]
[ - Earthquake of Cape Anne, Massachusetts, USA]
[ - Vinicius Embraces Adetokunbo; goes insane]

(added [that last bit] just to see if it could tie in somehow)
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeSun Jul 15, 2012 5:43 am

Gattison wrote:
What about this idea for Hargos, the Haunter Wraith that is a member of the Four Allies?
What if he wants to break the Shroud because he knows that not all
humans are guaranteed to becomes wraiths upon death, so he wants to join
the Skinlands and Shadowlands in order to "save" his family from
Oblivion and/or the Abyss, which he believes is what happens to wraiths
after "transcendance" or whatever it called when wraiths "move on." The
reason he could believe this is because he found out that lost and
forgotten things can sometimes be found in the Abyss (c.f. Abyss Realm,
WtA; "Whispers in the Dark," PGtHC, p. 179, and; Nergal, Clanbook Baali)

Sounds good Smile The fact that he may think that his family may end up in the abyss isn't a strange one at all. These days most modern people believe that when you die you fade into "nothingness" and darkness instead of going to the pearly gates. If the abyss is the place before all existance it might as well be the place after all existance too.
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeMon Jul 16, 2012 7:12 pm

Still working on this set of NPCs...

here's what I've recently added/changed...

Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets
Background:
Stats:
Side-bar #1: Cardinal Resources:
Side-bar #2: The Four Allies & The Enemies of the Immortal Midnight:
Force-of-Silence, the Cryptic Shaman
Write-up:
The Lupine's Stats:
The Lupine's Side-bar #1: References-of-Silence:
The Lupine's side-bar #2: Force-of-Crossover:
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PostSubject: The Cardinal That Wouldn't Die!   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeWed Aug 15, 2012 12:58 am

Here's some more revisions on the Cardinal, please offer feedback. =)

This should be the complete story on the Cardinal and her group and what they are all about. I want to compartmentalize the group so that ST's can pick out which NPC's they like, rather than feeling forced to use all 4. So, these write shouldn't really tell you anything about the lupine, ghost or even the Giovanni, really, other than that they exist and are part of the story. I wrote the introductory text "The Four Allies" to explain "why" everyone exists and is part of the story, and the "Enemies of the Immortal Midnight" Side-bar should answer the rest of your questions... until I finish the actual write-ups on the rest of the gang.

BTW, I finally got some good (though incidental) advice on the Giovanni and ghost NPC's, such as making the Necromancer a Ghiberti, who are from North Africa/the Maghreb. I also could look into African ghosts, and see about them, but I kind of want to stick to using a Haunter because Gio Clanbook Rev. says they deal with Haunters most because of shared goals... Thoughts?

The Four Allies:
Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets:
The Four Allies & The Enemies of the Immortal Midnight:
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PostSubject: Vescovo Giovanni, the "Model" Necromancer   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeWed Aug 15, 2012 11:03 pm

So I finally got some inspiration for the Giovanni part of the group. Now all that's left is the Wraith and some fine-tuning.

So, now you not only have to respond to the adjustments above, but also to the exciting new thing below. Hope y'all like it.

Vescovo Giovanni, the “Model“ Necromancer:
Stats:
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeThu Aug 16, 2012 8:23 am

Cool one Gatty! Liked it and I understand why he's an important part of the group. Liked the fact that he represents more than one person but more his clan, instead like the others who are solo-players.
I would like to hear you explain the flaws chosen for him though.
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeThu Aug 16, 2012 3:03 pm

I "chose" the Flaws that I did because I took an old PC (not created by me) that was never used and altered the Character Sheet to fit my purposes. Those were the Flaws I found written on the CS.

1. Addiction: Tobacco:Let's assume that he smoked tobacco as a mortal, and upon his Embrace developed a taste based upon his preference. His herd consists of church-goers who smoke cigars or pipes, and he sips from them at times like a human smoke a cigarette... to "relax."

2. Phobia: I tried to think of a fitting Phobia, but could not, so I left it blank. I like the idea of him having a secret Phobia, though, one that the ST can define according to their needs, and one that other characters can possibly find out about and take advantage of. I thought the Phobia was a nice way to balance the fact that Vescovo seems to be "perfect" in the eyes of his Clan.

3. Short Fuse: I thought the Short Fuse complimented the Addiction well, in addition to being another way in which he isn't as "perfect" as everyone thinks he is.

I should probably try and put those little tid-bits of info into the write-up, shouldn't I?
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Anda

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Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeThu Aug 16, 2012 9:40 pm

uh huh! Razz
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Gattison
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PostSubject: Vescovo Giovanni, The "Model" Necromancer (UPDATE)   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeMon Oct 01, 2012 1:28 am

I'm trying to start at the bottom and work my way up, so, oldest posts first... for now.

Vescovo Giovanni, The “Model“ Necromancer:

1. I added a line in the first paragraph mentioning specifically that he uses his Obfuscate to appear as a gentle elder man, rather than the driven "young man" he is.

2. I also added a paragraph at the end of the background section expounding on his Flaws.

3. I also added Obtenebration one to his disciplines spread because it was looking a little sparse and I'm sure we can all believe he would have picked up at least Obten lvl 1 by now.

Beyond that, he remains unchanged. How does the new paragraph sound, does it fit in with the flow of the rest of the text?
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Anda

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Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeMon Oct 01, 2012 1:45 am

Well done, digging it! Flows nicely with the text and I don't think it would be strange for him to pick up Obtenebration.
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Agathe De Lannuie

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Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Empty
PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitimeTue Oct 02, 2012 10:24 am

I have to take the time to really read this, sorry I didn't yet ;-)
but I like the general concept
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PostSubject: Re: Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets   Dona Gabriela Juana Reyes de Gibraltar, the Cardinal of Maghreb and Keeper of Secrets Icon_minitime

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