CHAPTER 1 - Abyssal Sorcery: The Path of Obtenebration

Screaming, the former slave-trader shook off another savage attacker in the darkness and reached out again, but this time his hand struck something besides gnarled and obviously decayed bodies and disgusting smelling, revolting, waist-deep filth and stickiness. Rock and packed dirt, it felt like, but wet, of course. He growled in pain but it turned into a scream muffled by clenched teeth—the hunger! The hunger he felt, the pain that it caused him, was unbelievable, he had no idea such a thing could hurt so much. He caught that scent in his nostrils again but it made him retch the last of what he had left in his stomach. He waded through it. In this complete darkness that he had awoken in, he still knew it already had much worse in it.
He realized not all the sounds he could hear in the darkness were of insane violence and the screaming, moaning wails of pain and hopelessness of those who could fight no more. Some of the slopping, splashing sounds were actually the sounds of those who were making feeble attempts to climb the walls of this pit—and continuously falling back into this pit of gore with him. He put the thought out of his mind again though as the pain in his stomach returned, doubling him over. Waist-deep in filth and decay, bending over like that almost submerged him in the thick pool of whole and partial corpses. He opened his mouth reflexively to retch again and instead got a mouthful of whatever it was he was immersed in. He threw out his hands as if to push his head up out of the gore, but—didn't. Instead, he found himself drinking, even eating it in. He couldn't help himself—he wanted to throw it all up, he could feel the pieces of flesh and rotting meat, taste every bit of it, but he couldn't make himself stop, and he realized that it was making the hunger go away, he found that he didn't want to.
Others in the pit with him brushed past him, bumped into him, climbed across his back, even fell on top of him after another failed attempt to scale the side of the pit to freedom and life—or whatever form of life they would have after this. The one that was once a trafficker in human lives finished feeding—the first, death-stained meal of the rest of his unlife—and then he began to attempt the climb himself.
An obviously flailing hand slapped his back, then began the almost instinctive attempt to start scratching away at his skin trying to find a hold on him—another mindless savage, not strong enough to survive this abyss, trying to tear him apart and devour him. The other arm would go for his neck, trying to smother him from behind but it was anticipated. The former trader in human lives easily avoided the clumsy blind-tackle and spun around them to their flank, instinctively biting deeply and ferociously at their neck in one smooth motion. Draining the weakling and tossing them aside, felt another's arm brush past his back and he spun, grabbing it and fiercly tugging them off their feet. With killer instinct he reach out for his victim's neck in the darkness and found it, clutching tight in his clenched fingers and diving in with his fangs for the kill again.

pg 21

Quote :

"...upon dedicating themselves to the Abyss, these vampires lose their reflexes forever."

should read "reflections" not "reflexes".

pg 22

Quote :

"angels with bladed steeled wings and other, stranger entities that may come or not from the Abyss."

should read "may or may not come from"

Quote :

"heretic combination of Christianity and the study of Darkness that ultimately leads the Lasombra back to the Abyss."

confused by the statement "leads the Lasombra back to the Abyss." that's not really where they came from so how are they going "back?"

Quote :

"Cardinal Francisco Domingo de Polonia, Archibishop of New York, is reputedly the most powerful Abyss Mystic in the New World"

I thought it was decided he probably wasn't a mystic or at least not knowingly, and even if he was, it seems unlikely that anyone else would unless they had heard such rumors from interacting with the same sort of "emissaries" he does.

Quote :

"Djinns made of Shadows and Smokeless Fire"

Should it be "Shadows and Flameless Smoke" or something? A being of Smokeless Fire (makes light) seems pretty non-Abyssal.

Quote :

"During Classical Antiquity, there were several and successive renowned schools."

Is that referring to schools of Abyss Mysticism specifically? Hoggwart's style? Schools of thought maybe? Seems a bit unclear.

Quote :

"I have heard some Assamite say that their clan sorcery, Dur-An-Ki"

Assamites should be plural, plus this just seems extremely unlikely for any Assamites to actually say.

pg 23

Quote :

"From the ancient communities that still exist, the ones that surfaced on Classical Greece and Hellenistic Egypt are the most noteworthy."

"communities" of abyss mystics? And they still exist? Aren't these guys pretty much rarer than rare and not real fond of advertising and recruiting? Just seems a bit incongruous. Also think it should be "in Classical Greece and". The whole thing may read better like this:

"Some small and insular communities of mystics have existed since ancient times. Of those, the schools from Classical Greece and Hellenistic Egypt are most noteworthy for the great advancement of their magical potential. However, the Grecian Mystics reverence for the Goddess Nix as the personification of Night has also led to accusations that they've debased their studies with Necromancy and the worship of Lilith."

pg 24

Quote :

"medieval worshipers of Lilith I have once studied with"

Should be either "I have studied with" or "I once studied with"

Quote :

"Mortwights, Nephwracks, Hekatonkhire and other Malfean"

Malfeans should be plural, shouldn't it? I think Hekatonkhires as well, but I have no idea what "Hekatonkhire" is actually so maybe not.

pg 25

Quote :

"rumors about nephandic profane practices"

Shouldn't it be "profane Nephandic practices" with the 'N' capitalized

Quote :

"Though they are feared or misunderstood"

would fit better in full justification if it was written "misunderstood or feared" instead.

Quote :

"thankful to have access to such terrifyingly effective allies."

If they are as stated earlier "far more loyal to Clan or just themselves and their studies" it seems unlikely that "many Bishops and other Sabbat leaders" would in fact consider them as allies.

pg 26

Quote :

"Instead, he found himself drinking, even eating it in. He couldn't help himself—he wanted to throw it all up, he could feel the pieces of flesh and rotting meat, taste every bit of it, but he couldn't make himself stop, and he realized that it was making the hunger go away, he found that he didn't want to."

Would suggest rewrite, maybe something like this:
"Instead, he found himself drinking, even eating it up. He couldn't help himself. With every gulping mouthful he could feel the residue of rancid flesh and unidentifiable viscera, and taste the infusion of fetid body fluids. He wanted nothing more than to vomit it all up in revulsion, but the depth of the hunger was so overwhelming he simply could not stop. As the consumption of this vile grog began to fill that cavernous void within him though, he suddenly found he didn't want to."

pg 31

Quote :

"Through use of Haunt the Soul/The Haunting the user summons a Nocturne/Shroud of Night into the very mind of the victim, not a physical manifestation of the power though, but rather some type of metaphysical manifestation. How this is achieved in unknown for most of the part, however the results are quite clear to see."

Suggested rewrite:
"... very mind of the victim. This is not actual physical darkness, but rather a metaphysical manifestation. The mind recoils from this invading alien darkness in abject horror and comes to associate any significant darkness the victim sees visually as being akin to the darkness afflicting the victim mentally. In short, the victim is stricken with Nyctophobia, a phobia of darkness. Particularly sadistic users will often continue to frighten victims through taunting use of Incubus Passion and various Obtenebration effects."

Quote :

"screaming and seeking to escape the darkness in their mind."

I would add "...seeking in futility to escape..."

pg 32

Quote :

"Even less Lasombra have heard or learned of this power."

Even less than what? Less Lasombra than mystics? Less heard of than the previous power (Nyctophobia)? Wording is just a bit confusing, not sure exactly what you're referring to. Could probably just cut this sentence altogether.

The Paths of Night
(V20, p. 332; Clanbook Lasombra, Revised, p. 67)

The Hot Path of Night
(V20, p. 332)
Nickname/Sobriquet: “Hot” Nihilists
Virtues: Conviction & Instinct
Bearing: Darkness; Nihilists give off an air of inner darkness that cause others in their presence to dwell on their own darkest fears and desires. The Bearing Modifier affects the Nihilist's attempts to bring out the inner darkness in others, from corrupting the pure to eliciting dirty secrets.
Basic Beliefs: Nihilists, in general, believe that whatever their role in mortal life, it was their ultimate destiny to become damned, and thus an agent of damnation. Adhering to an admittedly Catholic-centric mindset, instead of concerning themselves with the religion's redemption, they instead find moral solace in studying its messages of loss and lack of mercy. The Path itself has been said to be summed up in a “few brief imperatives: domination, mastery of the darkness, transcendence over fleshly limitations.”
The purpose of unlife, to a Nihilist, is to horrify and terrify, betray and torture others, especially mortals, both physically, mentally and spiritually. Show them the depths of darkness and all that is vile in order that others may be tested. A Nihilist's victims fall into depravity or overcome and prove themselves worthy of Divine acceptance—and they consider most others victims.
Considered one of the more terrifying Paths of Enlightenment to follow—it concerns itself almost solely with the active persecution of others—its followers tend to believe that by giving themselves wholly unto their lot as a damned creature, they can eventually earn peace by fulfilling their destined duties. While mortals and their souls remain the focal point of this Path's animosities, the soulless undead who do not adhere to the Path of Night's tenants often find a Nihilist's presence difficult to endure for sustained periods.

Ethics of the Hot Night
Leave no being untouched by your taint.
Tempt and horrify those around you; the weak will fall, while the strong will be tempered by your testing of them.
Inspire others to accept their inner darkness.
Death is a means, not an end.
Kindred, as souls damned by God, fulfill their purpose by preying upon mortals.

History
While few, if any at all, have ever reliably chronicled or detailed the Path of Night's inception or development throughout the years, it is still legitimately believed to have been taught as far back as the time of the Antediluvian's first childer. At times Nihilists have possibly drawn inspiration from such other sources as mortal death cultists and Satanists, as well as particularly debased Methuselahs and even followers of Lillith. The Path's great age gives it a wealth of historic insights and philosophical avenues to explore that most other Paths lack, especially the comparatively more modern ones. On the other hand, most Lasombra who maintain any vestige of humanity at all—consciously or not—tend to avoid choosing the Path of Night as their tool to control their Beasts, and some even believe the infamous Angellis Ater guide their potential recruits along this ghastly Path in search of “promising” of Nihilists.

Current Practices
Nihilists, for such inhuman beings, often maintain close ties to mortal society, as mortals are more often than not their preferred victims. All depravity and treachery are available to these vampires, who live their unlives seeking out and exploiting the darkest fears and secrets of those unfortunate enough to gain their attention. Alternatively, Nihilists often show a great respect—though this may not necessarily mean restraint as well—to those they believe to be truly “good.”

Description of Followers
The Nihilist community is populated almost exclusively by Lasombra, though the occasional convert from another Clan or bloodline is not unheard of. Other Keepers often hold contempt for them due to the lack of nobility in their actions, though the Nihilists no doubt feel that only they are truly being as God intended them.
Initiation:
Organization:
Paths:

Following the Path
Nihilists aren't killers, such would be wasteful, instead they're terrors, horrors and victimizers, and this is how they act to anyone unfortunate enough to draw their attention. Though some may muse that a Nihilist's actions serve to expose humankind to one extreme in order to direct them toward the other, in the minds of most followers of the Hot Path of Night, they are simply damned and playing the role the universe gave them.
Common Abilities: Talents, Skills and Knowledges favored by Nihilists are all geared toward inflicting pain in various forms on others, be it physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually. Thus Brawl, Intimidation, Subterfuge, Firearms, Larceny, Melee, Investigation, Medicine and Politics all have their place in different Nihilist's repertoires.
Preferred Disciplines: As the name implies, Nihilists connect the darkness of their eternally damned souls with the evil in their minds and actual lack of light. Thus the unnatural fear caused by the shadow-wielding Discipline of Obtenebration makes it highly valued. Far easier to understand is the Nihilist's common interest in developing Potence, which makes inflicting agonizing pain far easier.

[Abyss Mystic] - [Path of Morality]
(unknown = no way to determine through canon; ??? = need someone familiar with source to provide input)

Almira Veracruz - unknown
Ambrosio Luis Moncada - Path of Power and the Inner Voice
Aron ben Aretz - unknown (possibly Path of Night)
Banjoko, aka Francisco Ruiz - formerly Path of Night (currently Path of Honorable Accord as non-mystic)
Bishop de Navarre - ???
Cardinal Mysancta - ???
Cardinal Menuven - ???
Caridad de Flores - Path of Cathari
Countess Saviarre - ???
Filipe Toreaso Maguno - unknown
Geoffrey Armor - Humanity
Gotzon - ???
Hassan - ???
Ignacio Rinieri - ???
Richard B. Weinstein - Humanity
Roxana - ???
Zadkiel ben Aron - Path of Night

(What I want to do is see how many known Abyss Mystics actually follow the Path of Night.)